Piping Plovers are too stupid to survive

That’s just a plain and simple fact. Any bird that makes a nest in a small indentation in the sand of a busy roadway should just be extinct! Remember Darwin. Remember all the millions of species that have come and gone.

The idea of closing whole beaches for weeks at a time so this incredibly dumb bird can once again fail to successfully nest, lay an egg and fledge a chick is nuts on our part. I was told the Town of Yarmouth no longer does fireworks on the 4th because it falls during the theoretical nesting season for these dopey things. Can you imagine?

And if a pair of plovers actually did nest near you, in addition to closing the entire beach for fear we might scare the little darlings, the environmentalists come and fence the nest in to prevent raccoons and foxes from eating the eggs. Tough luck raccoons and foxes.

I mean really, have you tried to drive your 4-wheel truck down a beach in New England recently. Apparently some consider your conduct similar to that of a mass murderer.

I’m sticking with what I know. Fried up whole these little things taste just like chicken!